So, I’ve actually never dedicated a blog post to my (currently worsening) insomnia, but now (2:59am on a Sunday after working for the most part of the weekend- finished work at 10:30pm tonight) seems like as good of a time as any!
I first started experiencing troubling sleep patterns when I lived on student residencies in 2008 – not really surprising seeing as it was probably the absolute worst period of my life – I was living in the middle of nowhere, far from friends even further from family and I was surrounded by people mostly a couple of years my junior who, let’s just say were as far from similar to me as could be imagined, and not in a kind of opposites attract way.
Anyway, back then I had the leisure time and the $$ to get a gym membership and I just worked out for 2 hours a night after uni or work and tricked myself into sleeping.
Now I’m not so fortunate.
This is the third night in a row with no sleep, and I’ve done my fair share of physical activity this weekend, namely running up and down the stairs at work. And still not a wink. I’ve even recently tried a make-you-sleep mp3. The only thing that seems to be working is 3 temazapans (anti-anxiety medications) which is not a long term fix or even a short term one, because I have a highly addictive personality and even taking them to sleep stresses me out.
The worst part of sleep deprivation is that you’re actually most awake, and your brain (in my experience) is most active when you’re lying in bed begging for sleep. Although I might not be very articulate in zombie mode, the second worst part is that I spend most of my evening hours in bed, wishing for sleep and repetitively listing all of the things that I need to do or should be doing instead of wasting time trying to sleep. And then, in waking hours I’m so exhausted completing all of these tasks is so painstakingly slow (as I’m not functioning at full potential).
Although there are some up sides to having wacked out sleep cycles, actually there’s probably only one – I absolutely shred through books (okay maybe not as fast as some people – if you give my stepdad a book as a gift, and he likes it, for instance on Christmas evening, it will be finished by 3pm on Boxing Day) but I’m getting about a huge book a fortnight finished which is productive, in a way.
I have no idea what else to try, short of yoga, which is on the cards, so for now I’ll be dwelling in this undeniable hopelessness..
(I thought it would be suitably appropriate to post some photos of the night that I caught a baby jellyfish in a small Hungry Jacks cup – great memories of better times – I’m sure Tom, Alanna, Stel and that guy with the orange concentrate would agree)